Let me explain.
But first, a little bit on the widely held, and accepted, belief itself.
Whenever people are going through a phase of depression and dejection, one of the most frequent advises friends and well-wishers have for them is: Don’t lose hope. Hope is everything. Hope keeps it afloat. Hope keeps the world going round. You get the drill.
Hope is a good thing. I get it. But, in my experience, it is no-hope that has helped me more.
Let’s see how.
Circa 2018. Yes, the entire year. I went through a pretty rough time, dealing from a break-up that happened in October 2017. It took me more than 12 months to come out of it. It took me so long because, yes, I was ‘in hope’. Hope of her coming back. That hope did not allow me to move on, to date other girls, to live a happy life. I was miserable. Because I hoped for something that was not to happen. That I knew somewhere inside, that won’t happen. And that, at that same place somewhere inside, I was not sure I wanted to happen. Hope for returning in my life.
Living your life in wait for something to happen can be tiresome. It took a whole lot of my mind space. It made me lose focus on the other important things in my life.
The waiting was because I had hope.
Come in ‘no-hope’. I wish there was a better word for it. It deserves to have a word of its own. For, it’s a powerful feeling. As I discovered.
It liberated me.
Liberation from hope.
Liberation from the waiting.
It made me free. Freed my mind space. Allowed me to move on.
When I gave up all hope of her coming back, I could focus my energies on other things. It turned my life around. I started doing a plethora of different things. I started to live a full life; a life better than the one I was living earlier, during the relationship, and before it.
No-hope is a wonderful feeling.
No-hope rejuvenated me.
I hope we find a better word for it soon.
